We tell students all the time to stand up for things. Their beliefs. Their values. Their friends. But how often do we explain the how?
How do you actually stand up?
Perhaps a guide could be helpful for those looking for an answer. Or perhaps incoherent rambles for those looking to read between the lines.
Step 1: listen
The first step in any attempt at standing up is to listen. By listening one can evaluate not just the situation but the adversary. One can learn about the enemy: their strengths, their weaknesses, their motivations. Their words will speak volumes if you can decipher their subtext. You have to understand the why. You can decipher the why if you have read widely. Most importantly by listening to the things they say one can learn what the response needs to be. So, just listen.
Step 2: try to appease
At the end of the listening there will be a crossroads. Attack now or appease. It might be tempting to strike while the information is gathered. Choose to appease if the gravity of the situation allows for it. Barring immediate threats to life or wellbeing or sanity, appeasement can be justified because it buys time. Time to think. Time to plan. Agree with their demands in theory while the real action plan remains to be determined. Show kindness if possible. Even venture to show meekness. Humility, even if assumed or pretended, will go a long way. Predators should be made to feel like they have found their prey. Despite the prey’s actual fate. So, the prey should appease if possible to buy time.
Step 3: reflect
Think about the enemy’s actions and motivations. Sometimes this will be clear. Other times it will not be. Time can sometimes be your friend. Keep your distance and pause in reflection. While reflecting keep reading. Keep learning. Keep understanding the needs and wants of yourself and your enemy. Theirs may be in conflict with yours. Dig deeper. Get to the root of the conflict. Understand before reacting. Never act without reflection. So, reflect often.
Step 4: try to appease again
Return for another bout. It might be inevitable that the enemy wants to battle again. This time be more cautious than before. Promise nothing. If needed, agree to reflect further. Perhaps appease again. Go away to think about it some more. Reflect again. Keep reading. Keep thinking. Keep learning. Never assume the enemy will change. Demand the change. Appease only to see if the demanded change takes place.
Step 5: refuse to sit
If nothing has changed, stand up by refusing to sit. Change the power dynamics in any possible way. Seek help from allies. If needed, consult enemies of your enemy. Use their artificial hierarchies to pretend that their manufactured steps are broken. Bypass their procedures. Thwart their attempts to delay. Push for action. Never settle.
This is by no means a manifesto. Most of it is, I imagine, indecipherable to most. So, perhaps just one step that all might understand. When the enemy tells you to sit down, don’t.